Where were you when you heard about The Fappening?
It was kind of like 9/11. But in a good way. And with naked celebrities instead of people jumping from burning buildings. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t like 9/11 at all. Except for the fact that it was an intense enough moment in recent history that, if you’re anything like me, you remember vividly first hearing about. But, then again, not everyone can be as scummy as I am. I mean, shit, I just compared a large-scale leak of celebrity nude pics and videos to fucking 9/11 for Christ’s sake. What can I say, I have a gift.
Anyways, it’s true. I really do remember exactly what I was doing when I heard about The Fappening – the leak heard round the world. I was sitting on my college girlfriend’s bed, actually, bored out of my mind because she was on her period, so sex wasn’t in the cards, just mindlessly scrolling through Reddit. And that’s when it happened. I read the headline, and immediately whipped out my computer so that I could direct my browser to The Pirate Bay. I was going to torrent this son of a bitch. Be one of the first people in line, so to speak.
Well, it turns out I was far from one of the first people in line, because there were so many people trying to download it all at the same time, that I couldn’t find a working torrent of it anywhere! God damn. I was disappointed, sure, but I could be patient. I waited, read a little, toyed with the idea of trying to score a BJ from my menstruating girlfriend to get my mind off it. I found other things to do. Hey, I may be a scumbag, but I’m not a full-on degenerate. I can occupy myself while I wait for my hacked pics of celebrities. No, I didn’t get the BJ by the way. Fuckin’ white chicks…
The fact that I couldn’t download the original Fappening content at the time, it turned out, was sort of a blessing in disguise. Later on, a story broke claiming that one of the images was of an Olympian gymnast who was underage at the time the leaked photos were taken. Phew, that was a close one. I could have fucked around and been in possession of child porn! I never thought I’d say this but thank god I couldn’t access porn at that moment. Again, I may be a scumbag. But I’m not a fucking pedophile. I’m not a monster! I say we just purge the world of all pedophiles. Death penalty without due process.
Anyway, I eventually did have access to the pictures and videos of The Fappening (minus, of course, that 16-year-old gymnast). It didn’t take long, actually, for websites to start popping up all over the web, dedicated to nothing but hosting and linking the leaks. It became a fucking phenomenon. It was one of those rare moments when porn actually makes the front page. And I always find those moments to be glorious, because they are brief and hilarious moments when, as a culture, we are forced to stop living the foolish charade that sex is taboo and something not to be discussed.
Whenever porn makes the headlines, we move one step closer to a sex-positive, open society; we move one step closer to the utopian future where sexual pleasure is all there is to worry about – no jobs, no bullshit, no class – just life in the pursuit of orgasm. And The Fappening put a dent in the floodgates. Now it is only a matter of time.
Tons of Sexy Nude and Non-Nude Celebrities
There are still plenty of sites that are basking in the glow of The Fappening to this day. Making a living off of a single series of leaks. Trying to keep the dream of The Fappening alive. One of those sites is called Ancensored. But this site doesn’t limit themselves to just leaked nudes of celebrities. Ancensored has made it their mission to find, catalog, and archive all thinks sexy celebrities, movie stars, singers, and entertainers. This means that you’ll, of course, find every leaked nude image and video available, but you’ll also be able to find plenty of on-screen nudity, nip slips, and just general sexy non-nude images as well. Hey, you gotta have something to get you through when there are no known nudes of your favorite actress or singer, right?
The site, appropriately, sort of resembles a shitty tabloid or paparazzi site. And Ancensored’s logo further reinforces this, depicting a creepy balding dude with a mustache and a loosened tie around his neck leaning out and taking a photo (presumably of some unsuspecting female celebrity). Below the logo, you’ll find a spot to search for whoever your little heart (or, more accurately, your little dick) desires. You can also browse the site alphabetically, by letter, by clicking on any character, A to Z.
Then, continuing down the page from the top, you’ll find the site menu bar, allowing you to choose between the Home icon, Blog, Celebrities, Movies, TV Shows, Video, Updates, Board, and Comments. Clicking on Celebrities takes you to a page where all of the celebs in their database are organized by type. You have Hollywood Celebrities, Singer Musicians, Pro Athlete, Black, Asian, and Skinny, etc. Essentially, it’s a categories section. I really appreciate the attempt at making highly organized site. But I kind of wish they had employed a tags system … it would just be much easier to find what you’re looking for than having to scroll through a giant categories list (which isn’t even alphabetized, mind you).
Clicking on Board brings you to – and get ready for a nostalgic overdoes – the site’s fucking message board! Whew, I had no idea they were still making those. These days it’s usually a full-blown forum if anything, right? It’s kind of fun in a way, though, to delve into a little blast from the past. Here, people post inquiries into what movie a certain girl is from; or, maybe more accurately, what the name of a girl is from a certain movie. You know, scumbags like you and me, helping other scumbags to be even scummier. It’s a beautiful thing.
Below the site menu bar, you’ll find the site’s Featured and Popular Celebrities of the day. I didn’t recognize any of the ladies who slid by when I visited. But, hey, they were all pretty fucking sexy. And I would certainly welcome seeing nude or near nude pics of every single one of them. Except for Mia Goth, because she looked like she could have easily passed for 12 or 13. Fucking uncanny, man, seriously. I had to Google her after. And, no worries, she’s inexplicably 26 years old. So, fair game I suppose …
Stats on Point
Keeping on down the page, the next thing you’ll notice is a box that houses the site’s statistics. And, shit, I must say, they are quite impressive. The “Naked Statistics,” they call them. Apparently, as of the time of this writing, they have 45,253 different celebrities; 51,365 movies and TV Shows; 923,370 pics; 151,200 videos; 175,385 users; and 56,793 comments. Not bad numbers. Not bad at all. To be able to boast nearly one million images? Well, shit, there ain’t many porn sites out there that can do so. Especially not ones that specialize in solely images of celebrities. That is most impressive. Granted, they aren’t all nude pics. Unfortunately. But, still, it takes a lot of dedication to your cause to put in that much time and effort into amassing such a towering collection.
Ancensored also features a news section, in which they update you about happenings on the site and when new celebs, movies, shows, etc. are added to the database. Similar to their blog … although the blog, admittedly, is much more rooted in discussing leaks, certain celebs, nude scenes, and the like.
There is one major downside to this website, though. And it may even be a lethal one, as far as this site’s rating is concerned. The malicious spam on this site is fucking through the roof. Like an unprecedented amount of this shit. Chrome, for example, identified the site as a security risk when I first tried to visit it. I had to use the fucking AVG browser to check it out. But apparently, it is just chock full of full-screen, invasive, and harmful spammy popups. You know, the kind that try to trick you into thinking that the fucking FBI has locked your computer and shit like that, and you have to give them your information right away. Fucking bullshit. But, then again, what do you really expect from a site made by hackers that dedicate their lives to procuring nude pics and videos of celebrities, often against their wishes.
I may be a scumbag, but I’m no paparazzi hacker. They’re a whole different breed, it turns out.
ThePornDude likes Ancensored's
- Huge archive of sexy nude and non-nude celebs
- Great organization
ThePornDude hates Ancensored's
- Maliciously spammy ads
- Lots of non-nude content