I want to fuck real pussy! Where do I find escorts, whores, prostitutes, hookers and call girls, PornDude?
Looking for a lady of the night to keep you company and maybe toss your salad, are you? Well, let me tell you how to find the biggest, fattest, and freakiest whore I know. You’ll fucking love her. Open the contact list on your phone and scroll down until you see the entry labeled Mom. Click the Dial icon and tell her The Porn Dude sent you! She gives a discount to repeat customers, and you’re one of the only freaks I know who has ever had his whole goddamn head in her twat.
I’m just fucking with you, numb nuts. I’m not suggesting your mom is actually a whore, but don’t blame me if you find her on one of these local escort sites among the listings of teenage call girls, MILF masseuses, and BBW dominatrix mistresses. These sites let all the local sex workers in your area post listings so that you can browse, choose, and hit up your favorite girl for some paid entertainment.
Craigslist was the shit back in the day, but that was a caveman setup compared to what’s available today. These prostitute directories make it so much easier and more convenient to pay for sex than ever in the history of the human race. The Internet really is a goddamn miracle, because you can see explicit photos of the girl and arrange prices and services before you even meet up in person.
How much do these girls charge for their services on average?
I don’t know, how much is food? You’ve got to remember, The Porn Dude is world-fucking-wide, so dig into my list of escort sites and you’re going to find professional sluts charging a wide range of prices for a wide range of services. How much you end up paying depends on a lot of factors, like where you’re trying to find your blowjobs or anal pegging. A hooker in India may charge you a few rupees to let you spear her sphincter with your shaft while a fat girl in the United States may have an asking price of a thousand bucks to keep her clothes on and call you names, you worthless pig.
These sites always let you contact your chosen escort before you meet up, so you can definitely get a price before you head out with your pillowcase full of pennies. Some of the sites on the list, like EuroGirlsEscort, even show you a babe’s base prices for incall, outcall and other services.
Am I forced to use a condom during sex?
I bet your parents had to tell you not to pick up dog shit, didn’t they? Look, I love bare-backing a broad as much as the next guy, but you’ve got to be careful out there. I won’t even have unprotected sex with a strange girl I just met in a bar unless I’ve had at least like half a beer. You’re talking about sticking your Willie in a Willie hole that may have been visited thousands of times already this year. Can you imagine the Wonderland of STDs you’d be dipping into if everybody wanted to hit it raw dog?
Honestly, what you and your high-class escort arrange behind closed doors is between the two of you. I’m sure as hell wrapping it up when I come through after you. Whatever, though. Fuck without condoms, drive without seatbelts, pick your nose with a knife and cut the DO NOT REMOVE label off of mattresses, you dangerous motherfucking badass, you.
Do (ex-)pornstars also offer their services here?
Oh, you must have some deep pockets if you’re looking for some starlet you beat off to in a movie one time. I certainly won’t knock a man for having a dream, especially one so easily attainable. Depending on where you are, you might be able to find some real-life pornstars, both retired and still shooting.
Don’t misunderstand me here. I’m not saying that just because you’re some rich dude you will be able to smash Abella Danger doggystyle somewhere out in Bumfuck, Egypt. Your selection of genuine video whores is going to be limited to the girls offering their time and services, as well as their locations. Book a flight to some sex-friendly tourist location like Vegas if you really want the full porn stud treatment.
Is it legal to pay for sex?
It’s not generally considered to be the smartest idea to look for legal advice on the Internet, and even a retard should be able to figure out it’s even stupider to take legal advice from somebody named The Porn Dude. I’m a scholar of explicit lesbian romance and erotic anal cinema, not an expert in the local sex laws and ordinances of every city, country and municipality in the entire world. People visit the site trying to see girls get their buttholes stretched out, not looking for advice about avoiding the same fate.
You can usually find some vague advice in the Information section of any of these escort sites, but really it’s up to you to figure out how to stay the fuck out of jail. It’s perfectly legal for some of you out there to pay a hooker to suck your cock and step on your balls, but it’s not looked on so kindly in places like Afghanistan.
What are the best escort sites in 2019?
There is no such thing as a perfect escort site, at least not yet. My ideal sex worker directory has listings of babes around the world, broken down by city, with full galleries up fully explicit photos. There would be reviews by actual clients like you and me, and prices would be listed along with clear descriptions of the services available, no secret codes necessary.
The sites on this list do a decent job of juggling the features I’m looking for, and I’ve arranged them to reflect that. That said, the most important factor is going to be your own location. It doesn’t make sense to browse the US hookers on Erotic Monkey if you’re in London, and all the Russian girls listed on EscortMeetings are way the fuck out of your reach if you’re trying to get laid in Chicago. Some of the bigger sites like Escort Directory and Eros have listings around the world.
You wouldn’t buy a hot dog without first perusing all the available hotdogs in your area, now would you? I actually recommend looking at every site with listings in your area befor making your choice. You don’t really have much to lose by checking the full selection, even if it requires multiple trips to sites like SkipTheGames and Slixa.
Most of the sites have trannies, but TS Escorts and TS4Rent specialize exclusively in professional chicks with dicks. Of course, your friends are less likely to believe you’re surprised about your hooker’s big dick when they look at your browser history.
How do you become a professional escort?
That really varies a lot from person to person. For some nymphomaniac, exhibitionist sexaholics it’s as simple as putting themselves out there and saying, “Hey guys, I’m ready to fuck! Who’s got a few bucks for food and rent?” For others, it requires decades of daddy issues and a failed attempt at becoming an actress.
If you’re just asking how to post a listing on one of these sites, that’s actually easy as hell. Anybody can do it, and you will find easy instructions on each site. If you’re asking about the full process of setting up your life to become a full-time prostitute, or even just turn a few tricks on the side to pay for college, check out the Info sections for some tips. Pretty soon, you’ll be getting more than just the tip, and getting paid for it too!
PornDude, I just booked my favorite escort by phone and I’m going to fuck her brains out in a local hotel!
That’s the spirit! Practice those moves and then go home and show your wife. If you forget to wash the hooker snatch smell off your nose before you kiss the old ball and chain, just tell her you had a filet of fish at McDonald’s on the way home.
Legal or not, the prudes are always trying to fuck with these escort sites. They really don’t want anybody having a good time. Keep this list bookmarked in case your favorite selection of call girls goes down.