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Updated on 22 March 2019
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Humpchies

Humpchies

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Humpchies.com is a website that is all about escorts, escort agencies, erotic massages, and erotic massage parlors. It isn’t very easy to find these things in the “real world” if you know what I mean. You can’t just walk up to a friend and go “hey bro, I want a cute Asian chick to blow me after giving me a massage, do you know someone who can help me set that shit up?”! I wish! However, you can go to Humpchies.com and make your dirty dreams come true. Carpe diem my friend, carpe diem.

One of the very first things you will notice about Humpchies is the fact that the page has this bilingual thing going on. This makes sense because the page is about erotic ads in Quebec, and apparently nowhere else. So, as you know, a lot of people in Quebec speak English, but also a lot of people speak French and eat smelly cheese over there, so it only makes sense that you run into a lot of ads in French. However, the French ads have some broken ass English, but as men, we always find ways towards pussy. We are fluent in pussy talk.

First off, if you take it to the home page, escorts await. The design of this section is actually pretty decent because it talks about all the important things a man needs to know when he is getting an escort. For starters, you need to know where the escort lives, right? The city is down there right underneath the “category” of the ad, written in big orange letters, so you need to be a daltonic to miss them.

Now, that’s all the info the website gives you, however, the rest is up to these escorts. Some will talk about their “size,” some won’t. If you click on one of these ads that are related to escorts, you will see some extra info, such as the age of the ad and the mobility of the escort. However, none of the escorts I clicked on have their price posted. They don’t say what kind of money they want from you, and when and how the transaction takes place. It’s weird because this is primarily what you want to see from a page that advertises these escorts. However, this is not Humpchies.com’s fault, rather, it’s the escorts’ fault. Then again, nearly all of these girls did drop their phone numbers, so you will probably talk to them over the phone and set up the meet that way in full. They might not even charge you if you’re handsome enough! Just kidding, that never happens not even if you are a huge celebrity, so pay up trick.

Now, not all of these girls will specify their services upfront. Honestly, you want to know if you can bang your escort up the butt after a nice night out, right? It sucks if you can’t, honestly, and you should know about that kind of thing right away. However, only a few of these girls will bother typing something like that out, but if they do, some keywords such as “anal,” and “mature” are picked up, and these girls are instantly categorized. The most popular tags are found right underneath the button that takes you directly to the home page. So, if you want a “MILF,” hit that tag if you want an Asian girl, then hit “Asiatique,” and so on.

Now, let’s check out the “escort agencies” header tab and see what’s in store for us over there. You’ll find a lot of ads about people who want to be receptionists for random escorts, chauffeurs, and so on. These things usually shouldn’t interest you if you’re here to get laid so that we won’t talk about this tab too much. Now, the erotic massages tab is a tab that might interest you. While it isn’t very easy to get around this tab since all of the ads are kind of “scrambled up,” if you’re persistent enough you will definitively make it. Most of the ads here are also in French, so if you don’t want to get scammed, I suggest you get you a friend who speaks French, that should be easy enough right? The “erotic massage parlors” tab is a tab that has a lot of content, and the structure of these ads is very similar to the structure of the ads in the “escorts” section. You get to see the location of the massage parlor and the looks of the girls in the parlor. Furthermore, the location of the parlor (which is obviously the most important thing about these things) is also ALWAYS available.

If I lived somewhere in Quebec and if I had gas in the tank then I would definitively consider using Humpchies.com. However, a lot of these ads are in French, and I don’t do very well when it comes to speaking this language, so I might as well skip it for this reason in particular. However, sex is the universal language, so I guess we can all get along. If your name is Pierre Jan Jacques of LaFraux, and you live in Quebec, check out Humpchies.com right now, you definitively won’t be disappointed.

ThePornDude likes Humpchies's

  • There are a lot of real escorts on the page
  • The escorts are for the most part good looking

ThePornDude hates Humpchies's

  • The design of the page isn't all that good
  • The ads here should be available in English as well, not all of us speak French!