I want to keep my PC and mobile phone virus-free. Which software do I install for a safe experience?
It seems like every big tech-making company out there claims to have the safest, most secure platform for shopping online, sharing vacation photos with the fam, and jerking your dick raw to HD anal fisting movies. If that were true, you wouldn’t be looking for internet security advice from a porn site, right? It’s a goddamn cat-and-mouse game between the 1337 hacker kids and Russian spy-bots, testing their mettle against Google, Apple, Microsoft and your love of hardcore Latina squirting films. I’m not saying it’s fair, but I am saying you should take some basic precautions to cover your ass and keep that expensive little device from getting anally raped by some script you accidentally downloaded while trying to pirate a chubby teen orgy scene.
The apps on this list are some of my own favorite tools of the trade, software that makes my job as a professional masturbator that much easier. Get yourself a VPN to cover your tracks and skirt that firewall at work or at McDonald’s. Use an ad-blocking plugin to keep those dick-pill ads from getting in the way of those big dick, tiny twat movies you love researching for hours on end while lurking in the Starbucks restroom. Download porn easier, jerk off more smoothly and keep your boss from breathing down your neck when you’re trying to squeeze in an intense forearm workout at your desk.
I hate these annoying ads and popups! How do I block all these advertisements on porn sites?
The right software is fucking vital for smooth masturbatory web-viewing, and two of my major keys are the Chrome web browser with Adblock Plus installed. Read my write-ups for the full skinny or just follow the links, download, and start beating your meat furiously with fewer pop-ups to get in your way.
These have been my go-tos for years, but you never fucking know these days. I’ve heard some rumblings about both products are getting weaker in term of keeping the spam out. I look at some pretty filthy sites sometimes, so I’m always testing the limits of these digital condoms. Rest assured that if something better comes along, something more effective at keeping superfluous erection-inflation GIFs off your screen, I’ll tell you here. Bookmark this shit!
What’s the best VPN? I like my privacy and don’t want the government to spy on my porn preferences!
It took me way too long to realize I even needed a VPN. I had to download one so I could get around the porn filter whenever I’d play with myself at the local hipster café, and then I figured out they do more than just let you bypass the #MeToo enforcement by the mean butch lesbian barista. A good VPN makes you damn near invisible on the Internet to damn near everybody. Keep your credit card number safe while keeping your ISP in the dark about all those interracial airtight DAP movies you’ve been watching.
Lately, NordVPN has been my joint. Read my write-up or just use the damn thing to reap the benefits without getting all fucking nerdy about it. Leave the inner-workings to the neckbeards; you’ve got to catch an important interview with the artificial vagina in a few minutes, anyway. Again, check this page from time to time in case I find something better at keeping your virtual bunghole from showing online.
How do I block porn sites, since I don’t want my children to accidentally see them?
By being a more attentive parent, shithead! Just kidding—I just assume all the little porn dudes I’ve planted over the years are in good hands with their hot moms and drunken mistakes. If I had some kind of moral obligation on my end, I’d probably use something like SentryPC. They started using that one at the library near my house, so I moved, but not before making a huge, public scene and narrowly avoiding arrest on another indecent exposure charge. If the software can frustrate a grown man to the point of having a screaming boner tantrum near the magazine racks, it can keep your rotten crotch fruit from being exposed to titty-fucking studs and dick-swallowing Asian MILFs.
How do I download my favorite porn videos, if there isn’t a download button?
Well, you could always save up your allowance and check out my list of the Top Premium Porn Sites. They’re always happy to accept a few bones in exchange for unfettered access to exclusive HD smut. Failing that, use one of the apps on my list to dig in where they don’t want you to.
This kind of software is notorious for going obsolete overnight when the video sites adjust their systems. These ones have been holding steady for a minute, but we’ll see how long they last. Try Video Download Helper, AdultOffline, and JDownloader before sending me another whiney-ass email, you big baby.
What’s the best internet browser to watch pornography online?
Chrome has been my favorite for a few years now. The design is sleek and streamlined, and it plays nice with most websites since everybody wants to play nice with Google. There’s built-in ad blocking, plus one-click support for plugins like AdBlock plus. The incognito mode was literally built for letting you spank your monkey to taboo teenage cherry-popping videos without your actual teenage daughter finding out. In short, it does everything you want a good porn browser to do.
Speaking of taboo porn, people talk about Google turning into something of a Big Brother, always watching what you’re touching yourself to and making meticulous notes to sell to advertisers and the FBI. I still feel alright using Chrome, but who the fuck knows when we’ll all have to switch to Tor or something? Check back often to find out what your old friend The Porn Dude is using.
PornDude, thanks for keeping me safe! I don’t want anybody to find out what a sick fuck I really am!
I’m happy to do my part. Back before I was a Porn Dude, I too was worried about people finding out how much I love watching ass-to-mouth movies while wearing a pair of mail-order used panties over my face like a mask. We can’t all just let it hang out, I guess. Maybe one day you’ll be comfortable with your family, the government and Google knowing how much of a pervert you are. Until then, use these tools to cover your ass and cover your tracks.
I know I’ve already mentioned it a few times already, but this shit changes a lot. You never know when somebody is going to sell out or a new app is going to come kick the old software’s ass. Check this list often to see what I’m using and learn to browse Internet porno like a true professional.